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Buffy knew that curiosity would drive Spike to ask her what her dream had been about. She agonized over what to tell him, turning ideas over and over in her mind. If she did tell him, there was a very good chance it would upset him. That would be bad. If she didn’t tell him, if she lied to him, that would upset her. That would be bad. She didn’t want to keep things from him, especially if he asked, and she didn’t feel like she should have to.
It was just a fantasy—albeit one that might hit Spike close to home. But then maybe if he knew that she was willing to fantasize about it, it wasn’t as serious as he thought? No, it wouldn’t be good to under-estimate how serious this was for Spike. She could try to tell him as calmly and delicately as possible and attempt to explain it reasonably.
That seemed like the best plan—if Spike cooperated. She could only go through with the idea if he didn’t freak out, or leave, or god help her detail what he thought he would do—because it wouldn’t have the desired effect on her and that would just make him more angry.
Spike waited until they were comfortably settled in Sunnydale before he brought it up. By then she had had hours to think about it and decide on the best angle. Didn’t mean she felt entirely prepared though. Fortunately Spike seemed to be in a pretty good mood. But then…was it too soon to his confession about Dru? Maybe she should tell him, but wait a while first. Like, ten more years.
“So, Buffy…what did you dream about?” They were in bed. He had he arms wrapped around, and she had her head resting on his shoulder.
“You.”
“What was I doing?”
“Oh you know…stuff.”
“Stuff? That’s pretty vague.”
“I know…I don’t know how specific I should be.”
“Is there a reason you can’t be specific?”
“Maybe.”
“If you don’t feel comfortable telling me…”
“No, no, I feel comfortable tell you. I just don’t know if you’ll be comfortable hearing it.”
“Why not?”
“Because this may not be something you want to hear.”
“Was it about somebody else?”
“No. No, just you.”
“I’m sure I can handle it Buffy. There’s not much that can shock me anymore.”
“I dreamt about our first time…in the office…Only it was different.”
“How?”
“Instead of letting you kiss me, I said no…and well…”
Spike tensed. “What?”
“You didn’t take no for an answer,” she said softly. “Now, before you get upset, I want to specify that this was a fantasy, ok? Just a fantasy I had.”
“Buffy…I don’t think that this is something you should fantasize about.”
“Why not?”
“Because…it’s not…a game or a joke, Buffy. It’s something that…It’s not exciting, I could have hurt you.”
“Theoretically, you could have, true. But you wouldn’t have. You would have never hurt me, or anybody, for your own gratification. Don’t you believe me yet?”
“I’m trying.”
Buffy sat up and straddled him. “I tried to leave, but you wouldn’t let me. You blocked the door with your body. You wanted me…and you wouldn’t let me go until you had me. But Spike, I wanted you too. I said I didn’t want to; you said you didn't believe me. I said you shouldn’t; you said you would anyway. I said I’d tell; you said I’d like it…”
Spike had closed his eyes and looked away, but he had grown hard beneath her body and the breathy weight of her words.
“I can tell how excited you are, Spike. And I wonder—are you so scared because you truly believe you were capable of it, or you only wish you could have been? You like the idea of taking me—you want it so bad you can taste it. Guess what Spike?”
“What?” He said tightly.
She leaned over and whispered in his ear and said, “I want it too. Do it, Spike.”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’ll hurt you…”
“No, Spike, you won’t. And I can prove it to you…”
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I think I busted the F5 key :)
Addie
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yay
love this fic............can't wait till next next chapter!!!!!!!
"just how the hell is buffy going to prove it?!?!?!?!?!?!" lol.
-wendy-------------
<http://smarteeblog.blogspot.com>
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Evil Pepper!
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Just one word . . .
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