Spike&Mrs.William "Getting Started"

[pepperlandgirl]

Buffy was sitting in his office with a book when he came in. Surprised to see her, he stopped in his tracks and looked around, confused.

“Hey,” she said.

“Aren’t you supposed to be graduating?”

Buffy shrugged. “I’m picking up my diploma later.”

“Why?”

“Didn’t see any reason to go graduate in front of a bunch of strangers. It seemed rather pointless.”

“I was going to go,” he admitted softly. “After I stopped here.”

“Because you’re faculty?”

He shook his head. “No.”

“Are you really picking up your things?”

Spike nodded.

“Why? Why can’t you just stay?”

“I told you why…”

“Is that all?”

“Is that all, Buffy? It seems like more than enough to me.”

“There’s something else bothering you…I figured it out, when you left. You were right the entire time. I’m sorry.”

“So am I.”

“You’re still going to go though.”

“Yes.”

“Why did you go?”

“I told you not to leave. Tried to warn you…”

“I didn’t know.”
Spike shrugged, looking away from her. He couldn’t stand to see her. If he looked at her for too long, his resolve would break and he would stay—even though he felt like he shouldn’t. There were too many things that had gone wrong, too many mistakes—old and new. They were just festering, already poison. He couldn’t stay.

“I want to try again.”

“I don’t know if I can, Buffy.”

“I’m sorry I hurt you so much.”

Spike didn’t answer, instead he began gathering a few books and odds and ends around his office. Buffy watched him quietly for a few minutes and then asked, “Are you staying with Giles?”

“For now.”

“Do you want your house back?”

“Told you, you could stay as long as you needed to.”

“I could find a place…”

“Don’t worry about it Buffy.”

“Spike, I can’t do this. I don’t know how…I don’t know how to just live like…I can’t stay here without you.”

Spike paused and ducked his head. Suddenly he felt very, very tired. When he looked at her, the weariness was reflected in his eyes. “Maybe you should learn how, then.”

“Why are you acting like this? Are you the same man who chased me across the country? What happened to our vows, Spike?”

“You abandoned those long before I did.” His voice wasn’t angry, just exhausted.

“I made a mistake Spike, do I have to be punished for it for the rest of my life?” Tears began to form in her eyes. “I didn’t…”

“Maybe I’ll just come back later.”

“No, Spike, talk to me, let me…”

“I don’t know what I can say to you, Buffy.”

“Say you still love me.”
“I never said that I didn’t.”

“Let me have another chance, Spike, please?”

“How can I…”

“Let me take you to dinner.”

“What?”

“Like on a date.”

“You want to start dating?”

Buffy shrugged. “We have to start somewhere. If that means back at the beginning—or where the beginning should have been—than I’ll do it.”

“What if it doesn’t work?”

“Give me the summer, Spike. Give me the summer to win your trust back. In September if you still can’t trust me, I’ll move to California and out of your life.”

“And if I do?”

“Then I’ll stay here and go to school.”

“Don’t you think that’ll be…painful…?”

“I think it’ll be necessary. Give me until the first of September. We’ll take it slow.”

Spike didn’t answer immediately. He didn’t know what to say. He was still hurt and angry, and a part of him wanted to withdraw from her and hide until he was healed—or the wound had turned into a numb scar. But at the same time, a life without Buffy…he couldn’t even stand to think about it. The thought nearly caused him physical pain.

“Dinner, huh?”

She nodded. “We can go now.” It was just a suggestion, she didn’t think he would agree to it.

Spike sighed. “Why the hell not? If we’re going to do this thing…might as well get started.”