Spike&Mrs.William "First Night"

[pepperlandgirl]

Giles was roused out of sleep by the heavy pounding on his front door. Pulling on his robe and his glasses, he stumbled to the door. “I’m coming, I’m coming.” Who could it be at this hour?

He was surprised to see Spike standing on his porch, looking rather disheveled and lost. All he held in his hand was his laptop case and a small bag—Giles assumed it was clothes. Without a word, Giles opened the door wider and allowed Spike to enter.

“What happened?” He asked once the door was closed and locked.

“I don’t know.”

“Do you need a place to sleep?”

“Yeah—I’ll be out of your hair tomorrow, though.”

Giles waved his hand dismissively. “Don’t worry about it. You’re welcome to use the spare room as long as you need.”

“If Buffy calls—I don’t think she will—but if she calls, don’ tell her I’m here.”

“Are you sure, Spike?’

“Yeah.”

“Do you want a drink?”

“A drink would be good. A stiff one.”

Giles poured it for him—wide awake now—and handed it to him silently. Spike slammed it back, drinking the whiskey to two gulps. Giles poured him another. Spike accepted it, swallowed it again, and then sat down heavily, growing light headed.

Giles sat in the chair across from him, an untouched drink in his hand. He observed Spike silently, sensing there was a deep well of anger and hurt. He was unsure of what Spike would do, what he would say—and so he just waited patiently until Spike decided either way.

He opened and closed his mouth as if he was going to say something—once, twice, three times. But not a single sound escaped. Giles offered his still full tumbler to Spike, but he shook his head. “No thanks.” The words were so unexpected, so loud in the tense silence, that Giles nearly jumped.

It was obvious that Spike was not interested in talking, and Giles had a busy day ahead of him, so he announced that he was going to bed. “The guest room is at the end of the hall. There are clean towels in the closet.”
“Thanks.”

Giles waited another few seconds, but Spike had lapsed into another brooding silence, his eyes distant, his fingers absently tapping a beat on the class. Giles silently left the room, leaving the light on. He wasn’t surprised the next morning when he found Spike, sitting where he left him.

~*~

Buffy didn’t even leave his office. The chair was uncomfortable to sleep in, and it hurt her back, but she didn’t get up. She had to go to bathroom—she ignored it. She was starving but it didn’t matter. She just sat in his chair all night, dozing occasionally, but not moving. He’d have to come back eventually, right?

She didn’t know what to do if he did though. She knew it wouldn’t be as simple as an apology. She could say I’m sorry until she was blue in the face and her voice was lost, but that wouldn’t make it up to him. She could beg him for a second chance to prove herself, but if he didn’t trust her, it would be a pointless request. And one he wouldn’t grant.

Buffy didn’t know how to do this. Maybe she should just let him go…maybe it would be better for both of them if she packed up her stuff and moved back to California. But then, she had already tried that and it didn’t work. He couldn’t stand to be away from her, and now she couldn’t bear to live without him.

Only now was the significance of his note beginning to sink in. Spike was terrified of her walking away from him, and now he had fled. She had done something so awful, made a mistake so large, that he…How do you fix something like this?

Maybe I should try to find him? But she didn’t know where to look. It occurred to her that he may have gone to Giles’, but it was just as likely that he had checked into a cheap motel. And if he was angry enough to leave, there was a good chance she didn’t want to talk to him tonight anyway.

His notebooks were gone—all of them. She didn’t have anything of his to comfort her, to help dull the pain of her breaking heart. She didn’t fight that small tears that fell, even as she reassured herself that it would be ok. In the end, it would work out. It had to, because they were made for each other. He knew it too. They wouldn’t be apart for long. They could live without each other, but it would be a lackluster world of bland grays and dark shadows.

Buffy was still awake as the sun rose, but it didn’t light the room. An early morning storm had rolled across the sky, thunder boomed in the distanced, and soft drops of rain beat on the window and drowned the earth.


~*~

Buffy waited for him to come back, but he didn’t. Not even after nearly two weeks. She couldn’t be home all day, but she never saw any signs that he had returned. His clothes still hung in her closet. His toothbrush and aftershave still cluttered the sink. His pack of cigarettes grew stale on the nightstand.

She had gone over to Giles’ house to ask him if he had at least seen Spike. Giles hemmed and hawed, and ultimately didn’t answer her at all. Which mean that Spike was most definitely hiding in his co-worker’s home. She had tried calling once more, but Giles insisted that he hadn’t seen Spike and didn’t know where he was either.

“Giles, please…I’m worried about him. If he doesn’t want to see me, fine, but at least let me know he’s ok. For all I know he’s dead somewhere.”

Giles sighed, then said softly, “He’s here Buffy. But he does want to be left alone.”

“Thank you. Can you tell me…do you know when he’s going to pick up his stuff?”

“He told me that he plans on going over there when you’re at the graduation ceremonies.”

Buffy didn’t know why that hurt so bad. She didn’t know why it felt like someone had crushed her heart until it was a pulp just because he wasn’t going to be at the graduation ceremony. He had left her, after all, which meant he had no reason to watch her pick up her diploma.

Dispirited, she mumbled her thanks and hung up the phone. Graduation was only three days away. She had better be ready for him.