Mr&Mrs.William "After Thoughts"

[pepperlandgirl]

The drive to the bed and breakfast Spike planned on taking them to was long, and so he told her to try to get some sleep. He hadn’t spent the night with her, but he still knew that she had been up all night. He could hear her, pacing around the bedroom, wondering restlessly around the house, talking to herself occasionally.

He knew how she felt. He couldn’t sleep either. When he had proposed, it had been kind of an emotional, spur of the moment, it sounded like a good idea at the time, thing. He had been extremely vulnerable at the time, and she had been too, and it seemed like the right thing to say. And then she had accepted it, and honestly, he had never been happier about anything.

And then he remembered what it was actually like to be married. He had walked down that particular road before, and it wasn’t always easy. In fact, it was damn hard, and he couldn’t blame that all on the fact that he had been married to Drusilla, either. So he had decided to just marry her as quickly as possible, before he lost his nerve. And, thankfully, she had agreed.

It really only occurred to him after the ceremony that this was not going to help his job situation. If there was one sure way to cement his guilt, this was it. Though maybe since he had married her, they would be more forgiving. Maybe. It was possible. Not bloody likely, but possible.

She was his wife now…his wife. He just couldn’t get tired of the thought. It ran around his brain furiously. She’s my wife, Buffy’s my wife, mine. Even if they both had doubts, it didn’t change the fact that they belonged to each other now, and that brought a certain satisfaction, a certain peace of mind to him.

Spike wondered if Buffy was disappointed with the ceremony. He wasn’t, but then, he wasn’t a girl. He had overheard enough giggly girls in his time to know that they really were into the big, elaborate ceremonies. He married Dru at the courthouse too, and she hadn’t seemed to mind.

It wasn’t that he didn’t like the idea of a huge, elaborate wedding. He wasn’t against it, it didn’t repulse him. He just wasn’t interested, and really didn’t see the point. It seemed like a huge waste of money when the only thing that really mattered was that they actually signed the paper, right?

Besides, it’s not like they had any family to invite to the wedding. Well, he didn’t. And if Buffy did, she never mentioned them. He pondered, not for the first time, what had happened to her father. She never talked about him, not even after her mother died. Once he had asked her who handled all of the funeral arrangements, and she hadn’t mentioned her father at all. In fact, he didn’t even know her father’s name.

Maybe he was dead. He would have to be, because what man in his right mind would not want to be part of Buffy’s life? He couldn’t imagine that anybody would willingly abandon her, but then, there were some truly stupid and ugly people in the world, and her father could be one of them.

He let his thoughts drift as he drove up the curvy mountain road higher and higher. There was a little village, a lovely place, with a nice B&B that he thought Buffy would love. He had spent a Christmas there one year after Dru had left him, in an attempt to escape her. Of course, he had left a day earlier than planned…At any rate, it seemed like a good place to go, and he was lucky enough to get a room that somebody else had cancelled. He would be lucky to get a room anywhere with so little notice this time of year.

Christmas was only four days away. Really, their first Christmas together. He had got her a present, but it was still in Florida. God, he was so lucky she took him back. So, so very lucky. When he thought she was really gone for good, it felt like his entire world was destroyed, his life was over. He had only one idea of where she could have been, but he would have been willing to tear up the entire state of California, looking for her.

The trip to Sunnydale had been so long, and the more time that passed, the more frantic he had become. It was all he could do remain calm on the flight—especially since he didn’t want to drink. Drinking would have been a very, very bad idea. So he grew increasingly agitated, and the layover in Dallas had nearly killed him. He had missed the final boarding call for her flight by a mere 10 minutes. He would have made it, but he set something off in security.

By the time he had found Buffy, he was a real mess. All he could do was babble about how sorry he was, and even as he did that, he realized how pathetic he sounded. She half-expected her to kick him out on general principle—after all, how could she love somebody who was a weak, incoherent mess? And then when he had cried…

Spike shuddered at the memory. She had been everything he hadn’t dared hope she would be—caring, understand, and above all, she still loved him. But that didn’t mean he was happy to be bawling on her shoulder like a baby. He had never broken down like that in front of anybody, ever. Not even when he was a little boy and his mum was still alive. It was an altogether terrifying experience, one he was not prepared to endure again.

And yet…it had been a rather freeing experience too. For the first time, he felt like somebody would actually understand, and goddamnit, care. And she had. And so maybe that was why he felt like he had to ask her to marry him. He couldn’t go through that again—not knowing where she was or if she would ever come back. He couldn’t risk losing his only friend.

It took a little over 4 hours to reach the bed and breakfast, and he missed the deadline for check-in. Fortunately, the woman knew ahead of time that they would be late, and had assured Spike that it wouldn’t be a problem. The air was crisp and fresh, smelling of smoke and pine trees, and there was snow on the ground. All of the buildings were covered in golden Christmas lights, and Spike wouldn’t believe a place like this even existed if he hadn’t seen it with his own two eyes.
“Pet, Buffy, wake up.”

“Mmmm, are we there?”

“Yeah, we are.”

“What time is it?”

“A little after 7.”

“I’m starving.”

“We’ll go get some food after we check in, ok? There’s a little diner just down the road that’s still open.”

Buffy nodded sleepily. But once she emerged from the warmth of the car and the unexpected cold air hit her face, she was wide-awake. Spike carried their bags, and indicated that Buffy should just knock on the door. The sign out front proclaimed that they were at the Strawberry Creek Inn. What a pretty name Buffy though, idly.

An older woman opened the door and greeted them warmly. “Let me take you to your room. You’ll be staying in the Idyllwild room.” She gave them the entire spiel that Buffy only listened to with half an ear.

“Is there anywhere to eat close by?” Spike asked.

“Most of the places are closed this time of night. The Red Dawg is still open, and so is the Gastrognome. But you need a reservation for the Gnome.”

“Great, thanks for your help.”

“My pleasure. If you need anything, feel free to knock on my door.”

The room was nice. Small but cozy. Very cozy. There was a comfortable chair, and the bed was large with several plush pillows. The bathroom was tiny, but nothing she couldn’t survive. The fireplace had a duraflame log instead of real wood, but she supposed that was a bit safer and easier than the old-fashioned way of lighting a fire.

As soon as they had dropped off their luggage, they got back in the car and drove to the Red Dawg. It was a small sports bar type of place, apparently renown for their “red chili dawgs”. It was empty when they got there. The man who took their order also ran the cash register and apparently cooked the food too. Buffy got a simple cheeseburger, and Spike ordered the same thing. They were served in baskets.

It was while Buffy was eating that it struck her—really struck her. This was her wedding night, and she was eating at a place called the Red Dawg. Spike hadn’t even bothered putting on a tie for the ceremony. She was married without a single friend—she hadn’t even bothered to call anybody. It was her wedding night, and her “reception” was being held at a diner with sawdust on the floor.

Buffy knew she shouldn’t care about stuff like that. She knew that it shouldn’t bother her that she didn’t have her “dream” wedding. After all, she had agreed to get married at the courthouse right? He hadn’t pressured her or put a gun to her head. In fact, he didn’t even ask. He just suggested it. She was the one who said it would be a good idea. So why was she upset now?

She pushed the thoughts aside and focused on Spike. He was silent while he ate, but he was watching her. When she caught his eye, he smiled. She couldn’t help but smile back. Maybe her wedding day wasn’t such a disaster. After all, they had an entire wedding night ahead of them.

Almost immediately after Buffy thought that, a sharp pain stabbed at her lower stomach. Oh fuck, oh no, what day is it? Doing a quick mental calculation, she realized that her period was right on time. It had completely slipped her mind in all the excitement; she hadn’t even given it a first thought, let alone a second.

“Spike?”

“Yeah?”

“Is there like a gas station or convenience story around here?”

“There’s a general store just down the road. Everything is just down the road actually, this place only has, like, 4 roads.”

“Oh well, can we stop there? I need to pick up a few things…”

“No problem.”

“Actually, are you almost done?”

“Why? You wanna go now?”

“I do.”

“Yeah, I’m done. Come on.”

They paid their bill, and by the time Buffy got to the car, she felt miserable. Really, really miserable. Her cramps had come out of nowhere, but they had come with a vengeance.

“Spike? Will you go in for me?”

“Sure, what do you need?”

“Pads and Midol.”

“Oh, you cannot be serious.”

“Why would I lie about this, Spike? Just to be funny? Because I’m not laughing either.”

“Is it bad?”

She nodded, miserably. “You know how it is…”

Spike knew how it was, and he hated it as much as she did. He did his best to keep his disappointment and frustration in check though. “Is there anything else you need?”

“Chocolate would be nice?”

“Ok, I’ll be right back.”

Buffy watched him through the large windows at the front of the store. He casually picked up everything on her short list, walked over to the register, and paid for it. No hint of embarrassment or discomfort over buying the feminine products, and she had to admit, it was oddly sexy. Or it would be if it didn’t feel like her insides were being ripped out with a dull spoon.

Thirty minutes later, Buffy was feeling marginally better, thanks to the extra-strength Midol, and the way he was rubbing her back. It felt nice, and soothing, and it was lulling her to sleep.

“I’m sorry,” she muttered.

“It’s not your fault, Buffy.”

“I’m still sorry. I’ll make it up to you.”

“You don’t have to worry about it.”

She sighed. “This is a nice place.”

“It is. I’ve always enjoyed it.”

“You’ve been here before?”

“Yeah. A few times. It’s quiet up here. I came here for Christmas once and…”

“You came here for Christmas?”

“Yeah, a few years before I met you.”

“I see.”

“Wait, what’s wrong?”

“I can’t believe you would bring me to the same place you brought Drusilla.”

“What? No, no, I didn’t Buffy. Dru’s never been here, at least, not with me.”

“But you told me…”

“Well, I was here around Christmas…not actually on Christmas day.”

“Oh.”

“Come on Buffy, give me some credit.”

She settled on the bed again, and he resumed the slow, soft rubbing.

“Are we going back to Florida?” She asked.

“I think so.”

“What about your job?”

“I was thinking about that today. They might let me off with a warning or something since I actually married you.”

“I hope I didn’t just cause you more problems.”

“Buffy, even if they fire me, it’ll be worth it.”

“That’s not what you made it sound like before.”

“I didn’t know what I was talking about, Buffy. I was just ranting and raving. If I had the same decision to make, I would do it again without a second thought. I love you.”

“Love you too.”