The Pepperverse

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I think people who are close to me will not be surprised to learn that my favorite character is C. Montgomery Burns. That's because really mean people make me laugh. So, here are a few of my favorite Burns quotes.

Just give the great unwashed a pair of oversized breasts and a happy ending, and they'll 'oink' for more every time.

Ooh, the Germans are mad at me. I'm so scared! Oooh, the Germans!

This house has quite a long and colorful history. It was built on an ancient Indian burial ground, and was the setting of Satanic rituals, witch-burnings, and five John Denver Christmas specials.

Mr. Burns: This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you.
Smithers: You are noble and poetic in defeat, sir.

Mr.Burns: Quick Smithers. Bring the mind eraser device!
Smithers:You mean the revolver, sir?
Mr.Burns: Precisely.

Mr. Burns: I don't like being outdoors Smithers, for one thing, there's too many fat children.

Burns: Smithers, I've been thinking. Is it wrong to cheat to win a million-dollar bet?
Smithers: Yes, sir.
Burns: Let me rephrase that. Is it wrong if I cheat to win a million-dollar bet?
Smithers: No, sir. Who would you like killed?

Bart: So, Mr. Burns, you're saying my dad has gone insane, and thinks he's a god, and broken off all contact with the outside world?
Smithers: I told you Simpson was a poor choice, sir.
Mr. Burns: You know, Smithers, "I told you so" has a brother. His name is, "Shut the hell up"!

Mr Burns: Let's see, social security number ... naught, naught, naught ... naught, naught ... naught, naught, naught, two. Damn Roosevelt. Cause of parents' death ... got in my way.