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Well, I didn't think I could do it, but I finished up part 3--like my plan said I would. Go me.
Part 4 is scheduled to start...sometime...probably tomorrow if Idon't decide to spend the day at the movies. Oh wait, I have to finish Universe first. Maybe I can get on that tonight. Wouldn't that be cool? Anywho...enjoy...
“He just makes me so angry sometimes. God.” Buffy raged. “I mean, he’s all suspicious…how am I supposed to talk to him when he starts making accusations?”
“I don’t know Buffy.”
“And why did he change his mind all of a sudden? Why did he even agree to it if he didn’t want to? Just play with my emotions? And good God, he asked me if I would cheat on him. How could even say that to me? How could even believe I’d cheat on him?”
“Maybe he’s projecting.”
“Projecting?”
Tara shrugged. “Sometimes people accuse their spouses of what they’re guilty of doing…”
“What? Are you implying Spike would cheat on me?”
“No, no of course not.”
“Yes you are.” Buffy frowned. “Why would you say something like that?”
“I didn’t mean…”
“Spike may be a lot of things, but unfaithful? Dishonest? He’s never lied…Oh god.” Her eyes widened. “Oh my god.”
“What?”
“He was right. This whole time…he was right about you.”
“Buffy…”
“What did you say to him today?”
“I didn’t say anything.”
“Yes you did. Now tell me.”
“I said that…he didn’t deserve you. He used you…”
“He didn’t use me, Tara.”
“Did you read the book?”
“Holy fuck, Tara, I lived the fucking book. What is wrong with you? What did you say to him?”
“Nothing he didn’t deserve to hear. Nothing that wasn’t true.”
“Give me an example.”
“I told him that he treated you like a child, that you were scared of him…”
Buffy narrowed her eyes. “You hurt him.”
“No, I didn’t…”
“You hurt him. I can’t believe you would intentionally say something to hurt him. What has he ever done to you?”
“Nothing, it’s what he’s done to you.”
“Love me? He deserves it because he loves me?”
“I don’t think he loves you.”
“You’re wrong. And was he right about you? Do you love me?”
Tara nodded.
Buffy took a deep breath. “I could have been happy to stay your friend. I could have been happy to be your best friend…You were one of the most important people in my life.”
“Were?”
“You need to understand something though…Spike is a thousand, million times more important to me than you will ever be. God, I can’t believe this. I can’t believe I actually had a fight with him over this. I’m going home.”
“Buffy, wait. I didn’t mean to…”
“I don’t know what you meant…I trusted you Tara. I trusted you with everything. I confided in you. And what do I get in return? How did you pay back my trust? Don’t you understand, Tara, don’t you see? He’s my world.”
“Is he worthy of that, Buffy? Worthy to be your world?”
“He’s flawed…he’s not perfect. He’s got issues that I probably can’t even begin to understand. But he loves me more than…He’ll always love me. If that doesn’t make him worthy, I don’t know what does.”
“I understand.”
“Do you? Because I don’t want to lose you too, Tara, but there’s no contest. None.”
“I do.”
“I can’t talk to you anymore…not until I make things right with Spike.”
“You should go to him then. Buffy…I’m sorry.”
“Me too.”
Buffy ran all the way home, eager to apologize, to tell him she figured it out, to make things better. She burst into the house shouting his name. “Spike!”
No answer.
“Spike? Where are you?”
He wasn’t in the kitchen, or the bedroom. Her heart in her throat, she checked his office. It was also empty. Suddenly afraid, she crossed the room to his desk. On it was a single piece of paper—and only that. His laptop and notebook were gone.
and would you leave me for a butterfly?
pretty colors and a downy dew
and would you have me stand aside?
slice my hand and bleed the ground red
for your wine and roses?
i am not a saint, mind you.
i am just a man.
would you have me cry in front of strangers?
You made your decision Buffy…I’ll be back later for my stuff. You can stay here as long as you want…Don’t want to put you out on the streets. I love you, but I really don’t think I can trust you anymore.
Numbly, Buffy collapsed into the chair—his chair. For the second time, he had left her. At least this time he had left her a note. She closed her eyes. No, this was not happening again. This would not happen again. Not a second time. She had just found him, goddamnit, she wasn’t going to let him go.
The End
Part 4 is scheduled to start...sometime...probably tomorrow if Idon't decide to spend the day at the movies. Oh wait, I have to finish Universe first. Maybe I can get on that tonight. Wouldn't that be cool? Anywho...enjoy...
“He just makes me so angry sometimes. God.” Buffy raged. “I mean, he’s all suspicious…how am I supposed to talk to him when he starts making accusations?”
“I don’t know Buffy.”
“And why did he change his mind all of a sudden? Why did he even agree to it if he didn’t want to? Just play with my emotions? And good God, he asked me if I would cheat on him. How could even say that to me? How could even believe I’d cheat on him?”
“Maybe he’s projecting.”
“Projecting?”
Tara shrugged. “Sometimes people accuse their spouses of what they’re guilty of doing…”
“What? Are you implying Spike would cheat on me?”
“No, no of course not.”
“Yes you are.” Buffy frowned. “Why would you say something like that?”
“I didn’t mean…”
“Spike may be a lot of things, but unfaithful? Dishonest? He’s never lied…Oh god.” Her eyes widened. “Oh my god.”
“What?”
“He was right. This whole time…he was right about you.”
“Buffy…”
“What did you say to him today?”
“I didn’t say anything.”
“Yes you did. Now tell me.”
“I said that…he didn’t deserve you. He used you…”
“He didn’t use me, Tara.”
“Did you read the book?”
“Holy fuck, Tara, I lived the fucking book. What is wrong with you? What did you say to him?”
“Nothing he didn’t deserve to hear. Nothing that wasn’t true.”
“Give me an example.”
“I told him that he treated you like a child, that you were scared of him…”
Buffy narrowed her eyes. “You hurt him.”
“No, I didn’t…”
“You hurt him. I can’t believe you would intentionally say something to hurt him. What has he ever done to you?”
“Nothing, it’s what he’s done to you.”
“Love me? He deserves it because he loves me?”
“I don’t think he loves you.”
“You’re wrong. And was he right about you? Do you love me?”
Tara nodded.
Buffy took a deep breath. “I could have been happy to stay your friend. I could have been happy to be your best friend…You were one of the most important people in my life.”
“Were?”
“You need to understand something though…Spike is a thousand, million times more important to me than you will ever be. God, I can’t believe this. I can’t believe I actually had a fight with him over this. I’m going home.”
“Buffy, wait. I didn’t mean to…”
“I don’t know what you meant…I trusted you Tara. I trusted you with everything. I confided in you. And what do I get in return? How did you pay back my trust? Don’t you understand, Tara, don’t you see? He’s my world.”
“Is he worthy of that, Buffy? Worthy to be your world?”
“He’s flawed…he’s not perfect. He’s got issues that I probably can’t even begin to understand. But he loves me more than…He’ll always love me. If that doesn’t make him worthy, I don’t know what does.”
“I understand.”
“Do you? Because I don’t want to lose you too, Tara, but there’s no contest. None.”
“I do.”
“I can’t talk to you anymore…not until I make things right with Spike.”
“You should go to him then. Buffy…I’m sorry.”
“Me too.”
Buffy ran all the way home, eager to apologize, to tell him she figured it out, to make things better. She burst into the house shouting his name. “Spike!”
No answer.
“Spike? Where are you?”
He wasn’t in the kitchen, or the bedroom. Her heart in her throat, she checked his office. It was also empty. Suddenly afraid, she crossed the room to his desk. On it was a single piece of paper—and only that. His laptop and notebook were gone.
and would you leave me for a butterfly?
pretty colors and a downy dew
and would you have me stand aside?
slice my hand and bleed the ground red
for your wine and roses?
i am not a saint, mind you.
i am just a man.
would you have me cry in front of strangers?
You made your decision Buffy…I’ll be back later for my stuff. You can stay here as long as you want…Don’t want to put you out on the streets. I love you, but I really don’t think I can trust you anymore.
Numbly, Buffy collapsed into the chair—his chair. For the second time, he had left her. At least this time he had left her a note. She closed her eyes. No, this was not happening again. This would not happen again. Not a second time. She had just found him, goddamnit, she wasn’t going to let him go.
The End
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
From: (Anonymous)
no subject
Gina
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From:
no subject
Lord, that was painful.
Glad that Buffy finally *saw*, though, it was a bit too late, huh? Yay for there being a 4th part! This is such a wonderfully evolving series. Cannot wait to see where the 4th part will take us. Hopefully these two will finally be able to meet at the same level.
From:
aaaaaahhhhhh.....
nope. cause pepper's in charge.
keep it up! don't leave us hanging for too long!
From:
awwe
From: (Anonymous)
Re: awwe
Kathryn
From: (Anonymous)
GAH!
Rayne
From: (Anonymous)
Arrgh!
I understand that you need to finish Universe (which I'm also reading), but PLEASE, more of this soon. Real soon!
BTW - Thank you for feeding my addiction! ; )
Opera Jedi
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thank you
Looking forward to Part 4. I don't comment on all the installments, but I await your updates eagerly.
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thank you pepper. just...thanks, that's all.
From:
no subject
Xionin says it much better than I ever could but I feel it just as intensely.
Thank you for this story that has moved me so much
From:
Ack!
Oh, you're so cruel :) You're a genius, but you're cruel! Oh, PLEASE let it be all better again in part four? And PLEASE hurry up finishing Universes, cuz I've been waiting on that, too :)
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no subject
From: (Anonymous)
no subject
Kathryn
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ScarlettBuffy goes afterRhettSpike because, after all, tomorrow is another day. 8^)From:
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Make is better? Please?
I love this story so much. Please never go to work again so you can constantly write this! Please?
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Can't wait for the next part to start!
From:
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i'm glad she won't let go, and i'm glad buffy came to her own realizations about tara and her feelings for spike. i love that this story is so much more than intense sex and hot bondage...though that stuff is pretty fuckin' awesome, too.
go, you!
From: (Anonymous)
Just because I know you are a Spuffer
My heart is hurting, my hope are dashed, but I'm hanging in there cause I know you are a Spuffer.
[Sniff]
From:
No! No-no-no!
And I've gotta say that you are the queen of updates. I didn't get time to check by yesterday for new chapters and I got about 10 new parts to read tonight -- sheesh, do you ever sleep? ;) Looking forward to story 4 and the Epilogue of Universe (which, BTW, I love-love-LOVE!)
From:
no subject
this is my first post
well i was lookin at ya site like 3 days ago (i got a link from nautibitz's journal) and i read the first few parts there. after i read the last part that is actually on your site (why isn't it all there?) i went into full hunt mode to find the rest of this wonderfuly bad series of yours. after i found it in your journal archives i've been on a 2 day marathon read ever since.
now as your fiction slut i beg you
more please more!
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From: (Anonymous)
::Whimpers::
I don't even know what to say... My heart hurts from reading this, but I know you'll fix it - Right? Please? ::gets down on knees and begs::
Okay, now that that's out of my system... Amazing segment. You write so beautifully (hence the heart hurting), and I have absolute faith in you, Pepper. I know you'll come through for us :) Until Part 4...
Kris :)
From:
Hopelessly addicted.
You are fantastic. What oh what can Buffy do to fix this. If only she wasn't so slow on the uptake, but then what would we have to read. Sure there'd be the great sex, but the angst makes it even better.
And part four? There's a part four? Of course there's a part four!
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wow
From:
no subject
And Buffy. If Tara is her best friend, why would she want to sleep with her? How could Buffy not understand that best friends who sleep together are not "just friends" , they're lovers! She should have given Spike that one thing. God knows, Spike has backed off sexually whenever she needed time. Buffy could at least have given him a day. At least she wised up quick...just ont quick enough.
Poor Tara. She's making all sorts of justifications, much like Spike did. Karma and guilt is a bitch. He better learn to let go or come to grips with what he "did" or else anyone will be able to push his buttons and put a wedge into the relationship because his guilt blinds him.
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From: (Anonymous)
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"Well...bye."
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WOW
But after reading this bit I feel like im gonna cry lol When I read the poem and knew that Spike was gone I was like "Nooooo not again. Pls not again"
And now im off to read part 4 :o)
Tasha
x X x
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Noooooooooooooo!"